http://iamthegoddess.tribe.net/thread/8146dd3d-3340-431e-841f-e7a9822730af?format=rss Tribe.net. Local Connections http://iamthegoddess.tribe.net/thread/8146dd3d-3340-431e-841f-e7a9822730af#1d51c116-1432-46d7-9010-50b4819e22a1 Your post broke my heart..maybe not just your words and the way you feel- but more so the realization and memories of how often i hear this sentiment echoed from other women. I Have struggled as well- some things I have deep pride in and some things I can't even figure out how I feel- But I do think it is a very personal journey- and while I know there are changes we can make on an appearance level- acne- clothing- weight...I tend to think that how we view our selves wont change on any core level based on those exterior aspects of self. Most those things are still ways we can attempt to control how other people see us- trying to still reach for what we perceive as the ideal of beauty- My honest opinion- acne and clothing simply do not touch who you are. Sure it is a basic reality that people make judgments based on physical appearance- but anyone making serious choices about your role in their lives based on these judgments might not be someone who will really *KNOW* you in life- who can be a true friend or lover...those people- they wont care about anything but -you- Can you do some work on building up your knowledge and love for who you are at your core? I dunno- lists of things that make you special and sacred..mantras reminding you that you are worthy of love and make the world a better place? I know I did some life drawing modeling in a co- operative group with only other women- and it was very healing for me- in fact even taking time to really *see* other women with all their perceived 'faults' beautiful quirks- their real womanly individuality- it helped me- because I just found them all so beautiful.. our curves- no matter how big those curves may be- our softness- our roots and connection to the Earth.. it all touches me.. and seeing that beauty all around me in my sisters makes it a bit easier to find it in myself.. Good luck- you deserve to love yourself.. Fri, 04 Dec 2009 04:40:51 GMT http://iamthegoddess.tribe.net/thread/8146dd3d-3340-431e-841f-e7a9822730af#1d51c116-1432-46d7-9010-50b4819e22a1 Hawkfeather 2009-12-04T04:40:51Z http://iamthegoddess.tribe.net/thread/8146dd3d-3340-431e-841f-e7a9822730af#bc7bd1f2-843b-4a6d-9a37-ffdb12392c12 Allie, Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law. i've read your post over a few times, and it seems to me that no amount of support and advice from strangers on the internet is going to help you in any meaningful way. i strongly, strongly recommend medical attention for your skin problems, and professional therapy for everything else. it seems to me that you've gone far past the point where 'the power of positive thinking' and all that is going to be effective. i can read well enough between the lines to see where you are in your head, and, again, i recommend in the strongest possible terms that you get help and that you get it as soon as you possibly can. Love is the law, love under will. Tue, 27 Oct 2009 15:07:08 GMT http://iamthegoddess.tribe.net/thread/8146dd3d-3340-431e-841f-e7a9822730af#bc7bd1f2-843b-4a6d-9a37-ffdb12392c12 Solve Omnis 2009-10-27T15:07:08Z http://iamthegoddess.tribe.net/thread/8146dd3d-3340-431e-841f-e7a9822730af#62af5ce2-3532-497c-b1e1-b062f62bde72 I totally agree tantric! Tue, 27 Oct 2009 10:11:41 GMT http://iamthegoddess.tribe.net/thread/8146dd3d-3340-431e-841f-e7a9822730af#62af5ce2-3532-497c-b1e1-b062f62bde72 Lynne 2009-10-27T10:11:41Z http://iamthegoddess.tribe.net/thread/8146dd3d-3340-431e-841f-e7a9822730af#3b6d82de-bd00-4fd3-8710-10366b092ba6 You might start with paying less attention to the din of the crowd offering advice (that'd be us) and more attention to your heart's whisperings. It is continually telling you what you need to know. We tend to continually ignore it. You know what to do. Just do it. Tue, 27 Oct 2009 04:00:48 GMT http://iamthegoddess.tribe.net/thread/8146dd3d-3340-431e-841f-e7a9822730af#3b6d82de-bd00-4fd3-8710-10366b092ba6 Tantric Muffinpussy 2009-10-27T04:00:48Z http://iamthegoddess.tribe.net/thread/8146dd3d-3340-431e-841f-e7a9822730af#a1d2839f-43c2-479b-b5a9-7430a9c5a401 Dear Allie, I read your post and wanted to respond. Understand first that no one person has the answer, but you can collect a lot of insight and wisdom from other viewpoints and wisdom gained through others. First: You are a Goddess. Now. Nothing more required than your femaleness. You have inherited the universal Feminine whether you are aware of it or not. The erotic dancer, the graceful ballerina, the Siren; the seductress, the mother; they all exist within you through the collective consciousness. You only need accept it. Then begin your journey to discover it's power within you, and how to express it within your life and comfort zone. Second: While you are in fact a very attractive, alluring and feminine Woman, it really is not about physical beauty, but who you are and attitude. How you define and what you believe about yourself. You should not be subjected to or accept abuse from anyone. Nor should you give it. That said, neither should you allow society as a whole or others determine what type of relationship is right for you. There are alternative relationships that do not fit the traditional christian patriarchal models that are in fact healing and right for those involved in a consensual non-coerced manner. But if you feel badly about yourself during and after, that may be a sign this situation is not in your best interest for the long run, although it may serve as a growth tool in your overall psycho sexual development and blossoming. You might boost your self esteem by connecting with others who are in a state of growth whereby they are able to provide you adoring and devoted attention and affection, even adoration and subservience to your need to be boosted and encouraged to spread your wings and fly; to discover your inner Goddess and power; to be who you are deep inside and adored because of it, not despite it. Check out this website for a perspective on Woman as Goddess, and deserving of ongoing devotion and courtship: http://www.freewebs.com/ladymisato/ And hey, if you reach a point of depression where you are thinking of self harm, call a hotline, friend, counselor, feminist organization, or anyone. When someone is allowed to express their feelings and thoughts, and given support through a rough time, the dawn comes, even though it gets darker just before. Let time pass. You WILL find yourself and role and comfortable place. Face, accept, float through and let time pass. You are beautiful. cheix Sat, 24 Oct 2009 20:18:02 GMT http://iamthegoddess.tribe.net/thread/8146dd3d-3340-431e-841f-e7a9822730af#a1d2839f-43c2-479b-b5a9-7430a9c5a401 cheix 2009-10-24T20:18:02Z http://iamthegoddess.tribe.net/thread/8146dd3d-3340-431e-841f-e7a9822730af#f791434f-7865-40a8-aedc-e0f225f3e225 Lots of issues here babe! I`m going to start from your last statements: << Im tired of holding back, and not doing what a I want to do, what I need to do. Im tired of looking in the mirror and crying>> Why are you not doing then what you want? What is stopping you? You are at the pits now..fly baby fly! Find a symbolic goodess that inspires you, one that is strong & that you can relate to & respect...use her as a image that you can absorb. But..make sure she is not dark, as I don`t think that will help you rather, embitter you! Maybe others can come up with suggestions that have worked for them!? Look at yourself..your inner-self closely. Find out -from yourself-what causes this kind of fear/jealousy etc! YOU have the answer allie! If you like the look of these female images you are talking about..change from your androgenous look & go more feminine! If not, then accept you are who you are, & elaborate on your individuality, celebrate it! Please, please, don`t let acne be your master..as the other poster says, there are things you can do. Go to the doctor, tell them your misery! Your attitude to other women are born out of your own fears & insecurities. If you knew some of their lives you may not feel so inferior. Though saying that, beauty & love for oneself is the potent mixture that magic is made of..the image you see yourself as, reflects to others & the beauty you feel is what you make others feel when you meet them. Feel shit & you meet shit! Be brave, be bold & be true to yourself. Don`t LOOK for others..let them find you! Just spend some precious time, doing stuff to yourself in the mirror..read a few inspiring books. Don`t spend time looking at images that make you feel worse, you are feeding those negative vibs allie. Be so special, that you are almost unattainable..that may stop you from sleeping around with losers..be the mystical gorgeuos goodess that you are. I think when you attitude changes, your acne will disappear. The scars? Well that makes you a human being, much more interesting that a poster. It is what we `think` that guys like, that causes problems with women, rather that what guys actually like! You have had an awful time with your life so far allie. Your life is for the taking & the stories you weave are from your hand. Please try to take these terrible times for the value they can give you & learn the lessons of life from them. Life is precious, give it a go honey! Wed, 27 May 2009 11:37:47 GMT http://iamthegoddess.tribe.net/thread/8146dd3d-3340-431e-841f-e7a9822730af#f791434f-7865-40a8-aedc-e0f225f3e225 Lynne 2009-05-27T11:37:47Z http://iamthegoddess.tribe.net/thread/8146dd3d-3340-431e-841f-e7a9822730af#db03cc6f-ae5d-4539-91de-53fc8c62d59e When you feel like you've hit rock bottom, embrace it, flow with it, become one with it, BECAUSE! there is only one way to go and that is UP! trust me, been there, done that, WITH a kid! Things like acne and clothes can be fixed immediately. I agree with the others for acne meds and retin a *retin a is da bomb* Clean and Clear's acne face wash (in the purple tube) or Panoxyl bar is great! Bactrim was fantastic for me, and after six months (although they may go shorter length of time now a days) Wow. Compliments! Clothes, if you see something you like then BUY it! Don't worry about anything else. Start with something simple. This is what I do: Say its the beginning of summer, oh wait! it is! ") I find a new lipstick or eyeliner, a new shampoo or body wash, a new nail polish, a new outfit, etc and this is my Treat to my Self. Then, the first day or the first party I wear them. I spend the day doing a Goddess Beauty Ritual Let me esplain! A Goddess Beauty Ritual is exactly that. You pamper your Self. I'll color my hair (if its needed) I'll use a mud mask: Clay masks are fantastic for acne, esp. if you use Witchhazel in it (cheap enough to do your whole body if you want!) Thayers has some AWESOME witch hazels, esp the plain and the rose. Check out their website. I'll do a pedicure and a manicure. My kids gave me a foot bath massager thingy a few Yulemas'es ago and I will make up my own mixture to put in: Some epsom salt and baking soda are great for the foot bath. Milk and citrus juice, like lime, is also a very nice combo. Then polish. Make sure and light candles, incense, have a nice cup of tea, or coffee, or an ice cold drink, music, make it a Ritual. I would also HIGHLY HIGHLY recommend Meditation. At the very least, do a Chakra meditation, to clean and fine tune your inner body and Self. Honey, you've got to embrace being alone. Its not as bad as it sounds. Its actually quite enjoyable. And usually thats when peeps start hanging around. lol The two miscarriages as heartbreaking as they were, were probably for the better. You have time. Take care of your Self first. I know how bummed you are feeling, I really do, but you are the only one who can get out of the black cloud. Once you really really accept that you're tired of the bullshit and you're ready to move on, it will happen. Its hard to take that first step, but if you fall, you just get right back up and do it again. Thats how you learned to walk, right? Remember the immortal words from Risky Business : Joel, you wanna know something? Every now and then say, "What the fuck." "What the fuck" gives you freedom. Freedom brings opportunity. Opportunity makes your future. peace, love and grOOviness! Tue, 26 May 2009 14:54:12 GMT http://iamthegoddess.tribe.net/thread/8146dd3d-3340-431e-841f-e7a9822730af#db03cc6f-ae5d-4539-91de-53fc8c62d59e CoPPeRsGypsyAnGeL 2009-05-26T14:54:12Z http://iamthegoddess.tribe.net/thread/8146dd3d-3340-431e-841f-e7a9822730af#047d50d1-3ff6-44e7-a6a4-8fc0d79ef5d8 I can assure you, you can get get of this. I saw your pictures, and you look cute and attractive to me. Don't hide your looks in boy's stuff, enjoy your feminity. I know plenty of people that have skin problems and medication will cure that too. You need confidence in yourself and to avoid wallowing in self doubt. All this is easy to say and sometimes these problems may not be something you can cure alone. If possible and if you are employed with benefits can you seek help in your medical plan? If no plan, try your local free clinic and ask for referrals to a doctor who can help you. Good luck and don't hang around negative people. Mon, 25 May 2009 23:00:28 GMT http://iamthegoddess.tribe.net/thread/8146dd3d-3340-431e-841f-e7a9822730af#047d50d1-3ff6-44e7-a6a4-8fc0d79ef5d8 $item.owner.firstName 2009-05-25T23:00:28Z http://iamthegoddess.tribe.net/thread/8146dd3d-3340-431e-841f-e7a9822730af#28614433-abcb-4418-89d2-4ca5547bd49e My God! You are living my life! Honestly, I could have written that if only they had computers and the internet when I was 19. I have struggled with this all my life. Don't know how to answer you. Sometimes I want to be dead. (Well, most of last week) I need to go have a good cry now. Mon, 25 May 2009 17:06:37 GMT http://iamthegoddess.tribe.net/thread/8146dd3d-3340-431e-841f-e7a9822730af#28614433-abcb-4418-89d2-4ca5547bd49e d2a 2009-05-25T17:06:37Z http://iamthegoddess.tribe.net/thread/8146dd3d-3340-431e-841f-e7a9822730af#e83bcc9e-21b9-4762-900c-46258c98e827 I have suffered lack of self confidence/poor body image for as long as I can remember. I despise other women, and my relationships with men almost always end because they cannot handle my depression, and lack of self esteem. When I attend festivals, I hide in the tent, longing to go play with everyone else, even at Burning Man, I hardly left our dome during the day. Men walk all over me. I was abused both physically and mentally in my last relationship, and fear the worst my current one. I cannot stand to have my partners look at other women, masturbate, anything. And I want to believe when men hit on me, or say I am beautiful, but I just cant bring myself to do so. I long for female connections, but have been judged so damn harshly by women in the past, that I am scared shitless. I suffered from REALLY REALLY REALLY bad bacne, chest acne, and facial acne for seven years. I am nineteen. Throughout highschool, I befriended only guys, and slept around a lot, in a desperate attempt to make myself feel better. And all I got was dumped for girls with confidence, that dressed cute, (I hide it all, I dread summer every year, winter means turtlenecks, I get so self conscious about my acne scars and remainding acne, that I hyperventilate, and lash out at people), these girls wear swimsuits, these girls have girlfriends, these girls got guys. I feel very ashamed to say that media got the best of me. I see girls on billboards, who look like girls I know, who look like girls on the street, who dont look like me. About a year ago I had my second miscarriage. The first was at 8 weeks, the second at 14 weeks. Nothing strips you of feeling good about yourself when your 18 and lost two babies. (granted both were whoopsies, I rolled with the punches and was ready to grow up and raise a child). My ex left me not even a week after the D&C. I was hospitalized, went through labor, dilated, and had the D&C and was sent home alone. I feel like so much less of a women for not being able to even carry a child. And now I get the sick privilege of carrying with me the stretch marks of pregnancy, with nothing to show for it. I dont use drugs or alcohol anymore since then either. And it has made everything even more difficult to come to terms with. I cannot drink away my low self esteem any longer. I need to fix this problem in my life, for myself, for my relationship with the man I love, for everyone. Im tired of holding back, and not doing what a I want to do, what I need to do. Im tired of looking in the mirror and crying. Any suggestions on how to gain some confidence would be desperately needed. Thu, 07 May 2009 07:27:32 GMT http://iamthegoddess.tribe.net/thread/8146dd3d-3340-431e-841f-e7a9822730af#e83bcc9e-21b9-4762-900c-46258c98e827 allie 2009-05-07T07:27:32Z