http://iamthegoddess.tribe.net/thread/48a63e74-f49a-444c-8381-b26117fdc80f?format=rss Tribe.net. Local Connections http://iamthegoddess.tribe.net/thread/48a63e74-f49a-444c-8381-b26117fdc80f#c3766252-070b-48a1-b75c-565738d6b62d I personally think that my children watching me move through issues is a blessing for them. They are seeing that it is human to have *issues* to be volatile at times- to trust in yourself and do work on improving your life.. I also tend to think if i had waited to have my kids till i had it all sorted- I would never have them. But this question is so personal really... I just think it is a positive when anyone finds peace with the choices they have made. Fri, 04 Dec 2009 04:44:42 GMT http://iamthegoddess.tribe.net/thread/48a63e74-f49a-444c-8381-b26117fdc80f#c3766252-070b-48a1-b75c-565738d6b62d Hawkfeather 2009-12-04T04:44:42Z http://iamthegoddess.tribe.net/thread/48a63e74-f49a-444c-8381-b26117fdc80f#0525ad9f-342c-46f3-99cf-469aaa67f486 Since when is 21 too young to have a child? Sixteen is too young. 21 is perfect! Don't let the naysayers get you down. I had my son when I was about your age. He is graduating Summa Cum Laude from Harvard Divinity School this year. All is not lost to the child of a "young" mom. Listen, I was a midwife for years. I worried alot more about the 35 year old moms than the 21 year olds. At 35, life has become very routine for most... and changes in routine are a hard row to hoe for them. At 21... you don't have so many hard and fast routines yet. You will roll with the punches. Love your babies and accept them as your teachers. That is my only advice! (Oh, and sleep when you can! LOL.) Amma Fri, 10 Apr 2009 10:16:53 GMT http://iamthegoddess.tribe.net/thread/48a63e74-f49a-444c-8381-b26117fdc80f#0525ad9f-342c-46f3-99cf-469aaa67f486 Amma 2009-04-10T10:16:53Z http://iamthegoddess.tribe.net/thread/48a63e74-f49a-444c-8381-b26117fdc80f#064cf391-ca8f-4647-b4b2-384e1592e706 I had my daughter when I was 20. You seem to have thought this out, something I never did until I was halfway through the pregnancy. I would say, make your own choice despite anyone else's opinion. It will change your life, and it will be amazing, and I think you're up for the task. Fri, 10 Apr 2009 05:58:07 GMT http://iamthegoddess.tribe.net/thread/48a63e74-f49a-444c-8381-b26117fdc80f#064cf391-ca8f-4647-b4b2-384e1592e706 Chenae 2009-04-10T05:58:07Z http://iamthegoddess.tribe.net/thread/48a63e74-f49a-444c-8381-b26117fdc80f#55543204-c739-43d2-a590-10d2142a3e7f What if your desire for a child comes from a soul asking to be born? Just a thought. Mon, 25 Feb 2008 11:40:45 GMT http://iamthegoddess.tribe.net/thread/48a63e74-f49a-444c-8381-b26117fdc80f#55543204-c739-43d2-a590-10d2142a3e7f Cathy 2008-02-25T11:40:45Z http://iamthegoddess.tribe.net/thread/48a63e74-f49a-444c-8381-b26117fdc80f#6abbf241-0b8f-4194-b904-b11f60cbba17 You DO know what is right for you. I had my babies at age 22 and 26, and I loved it. I was ready for the responsibility, and committed wholeheartedly to motherhood. I would not change a thing. I loved having my kids when I was young enough to have the energy for them. And now, they are grown and I am still fairly young. My sister, on the other hand, was nowhere near ready at that age. She had her first child at age 29. It's all you, baby, and nobody can tell you when that right time is for you. YOU know, and you don't have to justify it to anyone. Mon, 25 Feb 2008 11:19:18 GMT http://iamthegoddess.tribe.net/thread/48a63e74-f49a-444c-8381-b26117fdc80f#6abbf241-0b8f-4194-b904-b11f60cbba17 Cathy 2008-02-25T11:19:18Z http://iamthegoddess.tribe.net/thread/48a63e74-f49a-444c-8381-b26117fdc80f#a11a0e9a-6407-4204-b455-21f5974984e8 sarcasm or not...where's the love in that response? If you feel your truth and it says your role in the universal playground right now is to be a motherGoddess, then hell ya, live up to it! Can't shy away or back down from what your heart says because other people think you're wrong. Blessings to you and Thankfulness for the love and Self you're going to give the souls you birth. Sun, 24 Feb 2008 22:22:26 GMT http://iamthegoddess.tribe.net/thread/48a63e74-f49a-444c-8381-b26117fdc80f#a11a0e9a-6407-4204-b455-21f5974984e8 ~O§tarA~ 2008-02-24T22:22:26Z http://iamthegoddess.tribe.net/thread/48a63e74-f49a-444c-8381-b26117fdc80f#386c27e0-223e-4e4f-a51d-e3188153deb0 Nearly 2 years after my original post, let me just say that I am SO GLAD that I did not let my hormones get the best of me and have kids....I have been married 2 yrs now and we are just BEGINNING to do the "work" part of marriage....and I have learned an important lesson...and it is this: you owe it to your future children to work out your issues in your personal life and marriage before bringing innocent beings into the world--and that is exactly what I'm doing right now....saving up the $ for kids is just one PART of it, the bigger part is having a loving relationship that is healthy and continues to grow... Wed, 07 Nov 2007 16:06:00 GMT http://iamthegoddess.tribe.net/thread/48a63e74-f49a-444c-8381-b26117fdc80f#386c27e0-223e-4e4f-a51d-e3188153deb0 Dj 2007-11-07T16:06:00Z http://iamthegoddess.tribe.net/thread/48a63e74-f49a-444c-8381-b26117fdc80f#c5921ed9-9ce1-4709-afb4-00f6ff56f104 thanks for sharing such insightful wisdom star...i have decided to wait for a few years and am using nannying 50 hrs. a week (for infant twins) as my birth control. My husband and I have foster parented a child off and on since he was 3 months old (there is a picture of him in my profile)--it confirms he will be such an incredible dad...i have been working with children for a very long time and caring for children IS a LOOOOT of work....meaningful work.... i realized my biggest reasons for not having a child right now are two-fold...financial, in that I am working on saving up a specific health care and schooling funds for my future kids so that when we move back to belize i will not have to struggle to make that money in an country where the wage is a buck and hour....and the other reality is that i want my husband to receive educational opportunities here in the US without the pressures of having to be a parent at the same time. This is the right thing to do for now, it is just that I have overwhelming hormones 24/7. But I saw my future son last night--it was amazing. This tan little baby with light brown eyes and blonde-brown curls on his head...i guess it's just not time for him yet to come into our lives...but when he does he will be so blessed because we have taken the time to prepare for his welcoming.... Sat, 20 Jan 2007 04:39:56 GMT http://iamthegoddess.tribe.net/thread/48a63e74-f49a-444c-8381-b26117fdc80f#c5921ed9-9ce1-4709-afb4-00f6ff56f104 Dj 2007-01-20T04:39:56Z http://iamthegoddess.tribe.net/thread/48a63e74-f49a-444c-8381-b26117fdc80f#7737f4fc-5e0f-4ee8-9dab-47352ad9ddfb I'm sure I should have checked your profile before writing. It's not a generic question. However, I have done many of the things you described living, and feel I have something valid to offer. Firstly, I'm not a breeder, although I do have a daughter. None of us SHOULD be having children...we should all be caring for the children who are here and don't have help. HA! BUT some of our life styles do not agree with the beaurocratic trials of adopting or mentoring or fostering children. But, we can still be good neighbors and village residents... In my sustainability courses they teach that the only way we can possibly support still having children is if everyone only has one. But, we don't only have one. My great-aunt has over a dozen and, although she is fairly elderly, she continues to have children. She must have spawned 53 people in her own legacy... we may have only one or two, but each of those have two or three, and fairly soon, there are many many people in your living room on your birthday. Contrary-wise; My daughter was a blessing from the Goddess whose birth, apperently, must happen. I was 19 and barefoot when I concieved. We squatted under porches and read tarot on the beach. We had her, unassisted by doctor or midwife, on a little 21 foot San Juan sailboat. She has been a blessing. When she is 20, I'll be 40, and I couldn't ask for a better gift to travel the world with! Contrary-wise: children really DO take every single moment of your life. You will have no life. There will be no flirting, few parties, and very little sleep. I didn't get 4 hours of sleep in a row until she was weened at 18 months. I couldn't smoke a doobie until 2 in the morning, sometimes, because all of those motherly things, teaching, diaperwashing, feeding, walking, cooing, walking to sleep... they take up a lot of time. You know these things as a nanny... and every child is COMPLETLEY DIFFERENT FROM THE NEXT: Compare indigo to crystal children, for instance. ! ! O, some days I am jealous of the parents with crystal children. But, really, honesty and integrity have kept my daughter and I TIGHT!!! We trust eachother, and talk. She's 9 now. Nine is wonderful for us. When she was seven, she began entertaining herself for 15-30 minutes at a time, and I had more time to be myself. Every year since she was 2, my parents or her father will become her "Protector" for 2 weeks to 2 months. This is an AMAZING time, where we both rediscover ourselves, and reaffirm our love for eachother. When she's 20, I'll be at a peak in my life I've only dreamed about. Traveling the world, financially secure, excited, blessed, blessing, healing, making huge peices of art out of abused earth! And people will ask us if we're sisters... Yes, we're sisters & goddesses & fairies & mermaids & friends & mothers & daughters. Really, DJ, the cups are full and anything is possible. Truly, you cannot be the ultimate mother until you are the ultimate you. There will be regrets...things you have to push aside for 13 years...and moments lost because you are dealing with being a mom. I couldn't pray for 3 years... and then only when she was in the care of other people (Very rare) because of her demand and jealousy for that space. Before her birth, prayre and sacred dance was EVERYthiNG to me. It has only been since she is 7 that she has complete respect for my sacred space... which is a very peculuar animosity to hold. I also couldn't read, because she would not let me hold a book until she was weened, and then reading to myself took another 3 years... but I did read Harry Potter allowed about 100 times in the interim, which I enjoy fully grokking.... You just never know what you're going to get. Pray for insight. That's what I did. Fully know yourself before you have children. Fully know your partner...Just for saftey sake, don't rely on your partner, but instead, be grateful for every moment you have together. Parenting changes people. No two people parent alike. you may find that the two of you have nothing in common when it comes to childrearing. Borrow someone's kid for a month or somehting while they go on sabbatical. maybe someone who doesn't have many rules on parenting, so that you and your partner have to come up with your own. There will be some interesting revelations for you both. ;) Well, I hope any of these musings is useful. on my road toward motherhood, someone looked at me and said (acertaining my NONBREEDER mentallity) "If you don't have children, who will be raising our next generation?" The truth is, we can raise the next generation without breeding. THe neighbor kids all come to my house to learn, to ask questions, to be healed, to be understood and accepted. Many of their parents can't read, many of them drink way too much. Many of them fight so we can all hear... OOOOOOOOOOOO Ha ha.... WHY do you want children? Is it because there love is so wonderful?? You cannot expect your child to be grateful for anything that you do. It is in there nature to expect it. I taught my daughter that we choose our parents (Celestine Prophecy). She is grateful, now... but for many many years, there was no gratitude. Love, a few times a day, but not gratitude. She is such a princess! You have to absolutely LOVE, no matter which soul pops out from between your thighs, all bloody and blue....They are not here to love you back... they are not here for you to Show them the Way... only to allow them to enter the way they choose. . and OFTEN that way is the way you told them to stay away from. . . But,... there are no coincidences and if you're willing to dance with the synchronic moments life hands you, and to laugh as the moments of your wants are ripped from you and filled instead with snotty kisses, and nasty tantrums... if you are willing to let spirit guide your course and become your own being again before you are fifty... then have your children young. Statistically, in case you were wondering (I studied this last semester), after 21, financially, and with the HUGE GENERALIZATION of statistics, we are OK to have children. Mothers who are unmarried and who begin motherhood under 21 are the statistic young mothers who cannot crawl from poverty... or at least we have a very very very difficult time doing so. And, at 19 and barefoot, I can tell you it is a CRAWL. Blessings on whatever choice you choose... but mostly, give it to the goddess to decide (This means, look for clues, not fuck like rabbits)...she will guide your way, and show you paths you maybe never knew existed. O, fuck like rabbits, just with condoms for now, Star* Sun, 14 Jan 2007 16:35:07 GMT http://iamthegoddess.tribe.net/thread/48a63e74-f49a-444c-8381-b26117fdc80f#7737f4fc-5e0f-4ee8-9dab-47352ad9ddfb Star 2007-01-14T16:35:07Z http://iamthegoddess.tribe.net/thread/48a63e74-f49a-444c-8381-b26117fdc80f#1ff3038f-8ab1-453f-b231-d6c2104bf527 I think it is individual. If you take the time to make wise choices, that is the best you can do. Just remember, security is an illusion, things change all the time, and having a child is just about the biggest life change you can make, I am childless very much by choice, and I'll be thirty five next b-day. One day I few years back I stopped and realized that the experience of being a young mother was totally closed to me. No matter what I did from that moment on, I would never be a young mother. I felt a moment of deep sadness and loss, and honored that, before picking up with my day and being pretty happy with my world in the here and now. My sister is seven years younger, and a mom of a 4 yr old and a six year old, so is a mother reasonably young. She loves it, is awesome and I am happy for her. And I get to be a mid-thirties aunt, which is pretty cool. Thu, 23 Nov 2006 19:50:24 GMT http://iamthegoddess.tribe.net/thread/48a63e74-f49a-444c-8381-b26117fdc80f#1ff3038f-8ab1-453f-b231-d6c2104bf527 Angel 2006-11-23T19:50:24Z http://iamthegoddess.tribe.net/thread/48a63e74-f49a-444c-8381-b26117fdc80f#b6f6cc7d-89d2-4b06-8e65-9ca5259527c2 I had my daughter at 17. It wasn't planned but let me tell you, what a joy she has been in my life. When I wasn't looking she grew up into this wonderfu;, caring and loving human being. I wasn't even trying to shove vaules and such down her throat as my parents did me. She just pick it up by watching and learning from me. I say if you "plan " on doing this baby thing then the most important thing you should remeber when the child gets here, is to be yourself and try not to smother them. You can be a good parent without having to be judge and jury for them all their lives. My Sweetpea and I have such a close relationship and I know if I had treated her as my parents did me, it wouldn't have been possible. Mon, 31 Jul 2006 10:27:13 GMT http://iamthegoddess.tribe.net/thread/48a63e74-f49a-444c-8381-b26117fdc80f#b6f6cc7d-89d2-4b06-8e65-9ca5259527c2 jenlee 2006-07-31T10:27:13Z http://iamthegoddess.tribe.net/thread/48a63e74-f49a-444c-8381-b26117fdc80f#62156456-7af9-4923-ba2b-f239fca2f1ac i would say that if economics is such a big issue, then don't have children at all. more children live in poverty than any other age group. that's one of the wonderful things about life. no matter how much money you have, you can be a great parent. the world needs more babies. i say go for it, start copulating as soon as you hit puberty. that's why we have sexuality in the first place if you don't have enough money, you can always get on welfare and homeschool. the truth is...economics don't really matter that much....you're pretty much born into the class your in anyways....unless someone in your family went to harvard, your child isn't going to get in. unless you're born into the right family, you're not going to be president anyways.....so, don't worry about the economics..... worry about your personal health, and the health of your child. if you're still worried about money, and you're poor....move to a wealthy city anyways....they have better welfare systems in place. you can nanny for 15$ an hour or more for the right people..... but don't just have one baby....you should buy a fifteen passenger van and fill it up with babies. that's the way to go, especially with medical care of today.....you can really "pump them out" have enough kids so that your kids can beat up all the wealthy kids and take their lunch money. Wed, 01 Mar 2006 21:29:55 GMT http://iamthegoddess.tribe.net/thread/48a63e74-f49a-444c-8381-b26117fdc80f#62156456-7af9-4923-ba2b-f239fca2f1ac Upfulness 2006-03-01T21:29:55Z http://iamthegoddess.tribe.net/thread/48a63e74-f49a-444c-8381-b26117fdc80f#6fe2273f-f560-4341-b279-1fc99cb8c1c1 I had my babies young.. it is to relative to comment on really. For me it was a blessing and I don't pay too much mind to the rules and limitiations that are associated with young mothers. This thread alone is a good example.. there are helpful spportive people in life, and weiners..when it comes rigth down to it, it only matters what yuo think. Fri, 14 Jul 2006 20:47:39 GMT http://iamthegoddess.tribe.net/thread/48a63e74-f49a-444c-8381-b26117fdc80f#6fe2273f-f560-4341-b279-1fc99cb8c1c1 Hawkfeather 2006-07-14T20:47:39Z http://iamthegoddess.tribe.net/thread/48a63e74-f49a-444c-8381-b26117fdc80f#cc3e0405-451e-4676-9e23-181f51e0dc30 It's no one's decision but your own (and your partners). If -you- feel the time is right, then go for it. Age has nothing to do with it. I've known 30-somethings that weren't mature enough to be good parents. I've known 17-year-olds who were. Best wishes to you!! Mon, 01 May 2006 16:44:31 GMT http://iamthegoddess.tribe.net/thread/48a63e74-f49a-444c-8381-b26117fdc80f#cc3e0405-451e-4676-9e23-181f51e0dc30 Aregunda 2006-05-01T16:44:31Z http://iamthegoddess.tribe.net/thread/48a63e74-f49a-444c-8381-b26117fdc80f#e92e8e09-8e18-47ed-9369-14f7c9d0c070 I don´t know if this post is still active, but here´s my thoughts: Go for whatever you feel is right, no matter the legistics (mainly age). The length and directions of our lives are unknown, and the present is where everything lies. Do what you feel right in the present. There are lots of women that have babies young. You can still totally live your life, be young and vibrant, even with a child. Of course it is a life-long commitment and life-changing thing, but you know that and desire that. So I say, just go with whatever you feel is right, despite what others believe. :) Mon, 01 May 2006 05:14:26 GMT http://iamthegoddess.tribe.net/thread/48a63e74-f49a-444c-8381-b26117fdc80f#e92e8e09-8e18-47ed-9369-14f7c9d0c070 Sirena 2006-05-01T05:14:26Z http://iamthegoddess.tribe.net/thread/48a63e74-f49a-444c-8381-b26117fdc80f#85b2d0d4-e297-4534-9c49-091d8b1ac50d that's what i was saying, too.... motherhood, and I would also add fatherhood, is the most noble of careers. job requirements: being human.... i would agree....planning is important....so are economics, but I'm also saying that you can be the best parent without these things.... my mother wasn't able to afford to plan financially for my college, etc... but i was still able to go because of her patience....i wasn't allowed to go out and play unless I was doing well in class, and she also made sure I was taking the highest level classes for my ability....which ensured a full scholarship to the local university..... from her post, dj obviously comes from a little more of a wealthy background....and this is can be a good thing......she's travelled, etc....and maybe dj, you're in a position to plan financially for your baby, i.e set up a trust or something like this....go for it....get your parents help if you can.....you know.... but dj. you're also asking random people on the goddess tribe on the internet, if you should have a baby.... and me, being some completely random dude also on this tribe on the internet, am saying....go for it....have a bunch of babies.....and hey, as a side note, let me know if you need help.... love & light, bradley in colorado Sat, 04 Mar 2006 20:44:12 GMT http://iamthegoddess.tribe.net/thread/48a63e74-f49a-444c-8381-b26117fdc80f#85b2d0d4-e297-4534-9c49-091d8b1ac50d Upfulness 2006-03-04T20:44:12Z http://iamthegoddess.tribe.net/thread/48a63e74-f49a-444c-8381-b26117fdc80f#fd50dfcf-8a62-4bdc-9ac5-4f678b0bc81a Dj...planning is healthy. Just because you plan definitely does not mean you will get pregnant today. I think the operative word "plan" is the key to your goal Sat, 04 Mar 2006 06:30:06 GMT http://iamthegoddess.tribe.net/thread/48a63e74-f49a-444c-8381-b26117fdc80f#fd50dfcf-8a62-4bdc-9ac5-4f678b0bc81a ૐ Rev Ro 2006-03-04T06:30:06Z http://iamthegoddess.tribe.net/thread/48a63e74-f49a-444c-8381-b26117fdc80f#6c28cc9b-0c22-44f4-b659-7ccb0021bb16 thanks Bradley for your very nice put down of my attempts to help someone. We're not in her shoes to judge her. She didn't ask for advice so she can be insulted and treated like an imbecile. If you want her to listen to you, you need to speak in a form that is less insulting and a tad bit more productive. BTW, I do work as a therapist and I'm not a moron who's giving her my opinion just to seem brillant and above her. As a therapist, I know for a fact that people will do whatever it is they need to do. I also know the social implications of being economically unprepared, since many of my patients have had kids without the right economy arrangements. But then by making that statement, we are also saying that the poor should never have kids and that parenthood should only be enjoyed by the wealthy. Let's be real since you seem so realistic. How many people in this country are economically ready for kids? Not as many as in the past. Not with the high price of living and competitive job markets. It is getting harder and harder for folks to afford kids and inspite the fact that there are more double income families However, being judgmental and condensing serves no purpose other then to make you look like a complete asshole. Until, you're able to carry a child for 9 months, truly learn how to have some compassion and human understanding. Some females are still traditional and want to be mothers and none of us has a right to judge or condemm her for it. I'm sorry if my pro and con list does not work for you. But then it again it was not for you was it? not every goddess is a warrior, working type or lover goddes...some goddesses are mothers and caretakers. Sat, 04 Mar 2006 06:28:35 GMT http://iamthegoddess.tribe.net/thread/48a63e74-f49a-444c-8381-b26117fdc80f#6c28cc9b-0c22-44f4-b659-7ccb0021bb16 ૐ Rev Ro 2006-03-04T06:28:35Z http://iamthegoddess.tribe.net/thread/48a63e74-f49a-444c-8381-b26117fdc80f#59c306ea-d546-41c1-9b41-15b4421b28a0 If you are 21 now and you plan to wait 7 years or so to have a baby you will be just right- 27-28ish -not too young. Even if you just waited a few years you will be alright. You are educated, you have traveled some, you have been exposed to some things in life, you seem intelligent and thoughtful. As far as economics go, you will grow into your kids. By the time you need more money you will be earning it...just as long as you aren't foolish from the get and know some basics like you need to start saving while you are young while compounded interest will benefit you. I gather from your post that you are not the typical 21 year old yet and still don't go rushing off into parenthood tommorow (would be my humble opinion) but if you want to start young, at least you will be starting with some foundation and a good head on your shoulders. stay grounded, have fun and good luck. Ms Glitter Fri, 03 Mar 2006 13:56:44 GMT http://iamthegoddess.tribe.net/thread/48a63e74-f49a-444c-8381-b26117fdc80f#59c306ea-d546-41c1-9b41-15b4421b28a0 $item.owner.firstName 2006-03-03T13:56:44Z http://iamthegoddess.tribe.net/thread/48a63e74-f49a-444c-8381-b26117fdc80f#6df1a859-b45c-40b6-947f-e167c03e5e3d I'm just saying, if you're going to consider economics, you're going to have to consider everything..... social class, monetarily, also race, are you going to live with others of the same race, or people of a different race....if you live in a third world country, as an american this is a great class boost for your child...are you going to live around wealthy people, or poor people.... education.....home schooling, or public or private school..... in the city, or in the country, you know.... race, class, sex, self....... you can be a great parent though, no matter what anybody else says....in the end, it's between you, your partner, and your child...... Wed, 01 Mar 2006 22:03:15 GMT http://iamthegoddess.tribe.net/thread/48a63e74-f49a-444c-8381-b26117fdc80f#6df1a859-b45c-40b6-947f-e167c03e5e3d Upfulness 2006-03-01T22:03:15Z http://iamthegoddess.tribe.net/thread/48a63e74-f49a-444c-8381-b26117fdc80f#b3cdd36f-cad0-4f7e-b54e-3c29ffd8b876 I'm not being sarcastic. If you think those lame pro's and con's are helpful, then you're probably not ready for a child. All that stuff is in the brochure. There's another brochure that tells you step by step how to actually become pregnant with the help of a partner. It's more difficult than you might realize. Wed, 01 Mar 2006 21:54:34 GMT http://iamthegoddess.tribe.net/thread/48a63e74-f49a-444c-8381-b26117fdc80f#b3cdd36f-cad0-4f7e-b54e-3c29ffd8b876 Upfulness 2006-03-01T21:54:34Z http://iamthegoddess.tribe.net/thread/48a63e74-f49a-444c-8381-b26117fdc80f#ebf1a1f6-b3c3-465f-baf0-f487e13618af Bradley, why waste your energy posting? Your sarcasm isn't helpful....it would be one thing if it was wise and insightful, but it's not even provocative in a novel way. I appreciate the post above bradley's...pros and cons can always be helpful to assess. By "young", I don't mean I plan on getting pregnant right this second, several years at the earliest (but it is never too early to learn, plan, and be as prepared--though one can never be 100% prepared) Wed, 01 Mar 2006 21:42:30 GMT http://iamthegoddess.tribe.net/thread/48a63e74-f49a-444c-8381-b26117fdc80f#ebf1a1f6-b3c3-465f-baf0-f487e13618af Dj 2006-03-01T21:42:30Z http://iamthegoddess.tribe.net/thread/48a63e74-f49a-444c-8381-b26117fdc80f#427e7e9d-104b-4420-8343-be2ea7f2c7dd Dj...if you have the economic and emotional support go for it. Many folks wait because of those two issues...not necessarily because they are young...but because when one is younger one tends to earn a lot less... pro's in having kids early... 1.you got more energy, 2 your body can handle it better 3. you are still fairly young when your kids grow up and are ready to go to college 4. if you have support, you'll have a decent family unit 5. if you have economics in place, you can stay home and raise the little ones or be able to give them a nice life. con's: 1. regardless how early you started to "party" partying is a different life experience then career or maintaining a household 2. economics can mean less things for both you and your child (less educational opportunities, less opportunities in general) 3. support ..if you don't have someone to help you raise a child, you are prone to more periods of depression and stress...even mothers who love babies have stressful periods/cycles 4. you have more life experience, which means you have more to teach your child about life I would say weight out your factors..based on what's practical vs what's age appropriate. Some younger folks have more money in place then older folks... Wed, 01 Mar 2006 18:13:00 GMT http://iamthegoddess.tribe.net/thread/48a63e74-f49a-444c-8381-b26117fdc80f#427e7e9d-104b-4420-8343-be2ea7f2c7dd ૐ Rev Ro 2006-03-01T18:13:00Z http://iamthegoddess.tribe.net/thread/48a63e74-f49a-444c-8381-b26117fdc80f#b10f03b5-84f9-4678-b0a3-bfd296305bf5 I had my daughter at 21 and I know now that she suffered more than she might have had I resolved some of my own parenting isues first. Wed, 01 Mar 2006 06:22:21 GMT http://iamthegoddess.tribe.net/thread/48a63e74-f49a-444c-8381-b26117fdc80f#b10f03b5-84f9-4678-b0a3-bfd296305bf5 Anastashia 2006-03-01T06:22:21Z http://iamthegoddess.tribe.net/thread/48a63e74-f49a-444c-8381-b26117fdc80f#f5229d78-cd2f-441e-9f08-21f7ab92f537 do what feel right for you...just know that children change life in many ways....... Sun, 26 Feb 2006 16:46:16 GMT http://iamthegoddess.tribe.net/thread/48a63e74-f49a-444c-8381-b26117fdc80f#f5229d78-cd2f-441e-9f08-21f7ab92f537 bliss 2006-02-26T16:46:16Z http://iamthegoddess.tribe.net/thread/48a63e74-f49a-444c-8381-b26117fdc80f#131cff60-1da2-4947-b07a-fd1213f5d0eb There is another theory, a psychological/counseling one, that says that committing too early without exploration/searching/pain is problematic, particularly when the extremes are represented, meaning, committing extremely with very little/no exploration. I would suggest checking our Marcia's theory of identity status/ ego status and/or Erikson's psychosocial stages. The only descent article I could find was on Erikson or Marcia was at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Erik_Erikson. Maybe take a look? Here are some questions I would consider: Are you interested in doing this because you are being sincerely true to yourself or are you reacting to needs/attachements of others around you? Is this the best decision for you? The fact is, no one can know any of these things besides you, no matter how much anyone else knows about you. Money is the not the issue, approval is not the issue, your age is not the issue. You being conscious of your own needs and the potential needs of another human are the important issues here. Hope that was helpful... Thu, 23 Feb 2006 14:49:07 GMT http://iamthegoddess.tribe.net/thread/48a63e74-f49a-444c-8381-b26117fdc80f#131cff60-1da2-4947-b07a-fd1213f5d0eb $item.owner.firstName 2006-02-23T14:49:07Z http://iamthegoddess.tribe.net/thread/48a63e74-f49a-444c-8381-b26117fdc80f#dc49af63-2355-4a2e-aff4-48558a79601a If I could have, I would have had my babies young. Younger than 21 anyway. (I'm sterile. My babies have been my partners'.) However, I'm with Raven, in that the call to motherhood is very individual and yours alone to decide. Other people tend to speak from their own experience, either what they know is right for themselves, what they've heard to be "correct", or what they fear. In the end, only you'll know. But I do feel that you'll know when you know. Does that make sense? Blessings and Grace, ~Jessa~ Thu, 23 Feb 2006 00:10:28 GMT http://iamthegoddess.tribe.net/thread/48a63e74-f49a-444c-8381-b26117fdc80f#dc49af63-2355-4a2e-aff4-48558a79601a ~Jessa~ 2006-02-23T00:10:28Z http://iamthegoddess.tribe.net/thread/48a63e74-f49a-444c-8381-b26117fdc80f#d1c9fafb-7f8a-4204-a823-6f27a12894a4 For what it's worth... There is a theory that states that for the majority of people with degrees there are three things to do in life, however, you tend to only be able to afford to do two at a time, and two of those three things are a long term commitments. These things are a) travel, b) buy a house, c) having a child. You don't have to ascribe to the theory, however, there it is. There is also the question of experience/maturity which is highly subjective, however, travel and experiencing other cultures are supposed to help with that (just don't take a package tour!) Wed, 22 Feb 2006 22:56:50 GMT http://iamthegoddess.tribe.net/thread/48a63e74-f49a-444c-8381-b26117fdc80f#d1c9fafb-7f8a-4204-a823-6f27a12894a4 00smittenkitten 2006-02-22T22:56:50Z http://iamthegoddess.tribe.net/thread/48a63e74-f49a-444c-8381-b26117fdc80f#f5ff6ff5-9e60-4b28-a6df-08e0370092ac When I read the topic I was thinking young means like really young as in 18 or younger, with 21 you're an adult aren't you :P Raven said it very nicely, just because in our society women are mostly getting their children in the mid 30th now doesn't mean that that is the ultimate thing to do and the right way for everyone. It used to be very common to get children around the age of 20 and in many other cultures it still is. My mother was 17 when she got her first child and had 5 by the age of 30 and she was /is a wonderful mom. Mothering came natural to her. I often think that it is even easier to become a mother in an earlier stage of one's life. If you feel called to enter motherhood now, then this is the time for you and don't let anybody tell you otherwise. All imo of course. May the great goddess be with you :) Wed, 22 Feb 2006 22:05:05 GMT http://iamthegoddess.tribe.net/thread/48a63e74-f49a-444c-8381-b26117fdc80f#f5ff6ff5-9e60-4b28-a6df-08e0370092ac eleria 2006-02-22T22:05:05Z http://iamthegoddess.tribe.net/thread/48a63e74-f49a-444c-8381-b26117fdc80f#becb024d-6c71-4348-a68b-b10081550841 I think what you're experiencing is the backlash of modern societal attitudes. Women are now supposed to wait until their mid-late 30's to have children now. We're expected to first have a successful career and then act as superwomen trying to balance that career with having young children. Personally, I think that's a load of crap. We are all individuals and have very different life experiences. Some are ready for children and other responsibilities at 19 while others don't want to stop partying until their mid-30's (if ever). It's unfair for others to try to project their ideals onto you. Only YOU know who you are, where you're going, and when to take each next step on your path. I could give you my opinion on the subject of you, personally, having a child at 21, but I won't. It's not my place. Nor is it anyone else's. Be who you are, follow your path, make mistakes and learn from them, teach your children your truth and how you arrived at it, treat others with respect (even if they don't earn it), and love everyday. Anyone who expects anything else from you is not worthy of your time and their opinions don't matter in the least. Blessed Be! Raven Wed, 22 Feb 2006 21:36:22 GMT http://iamthegoddess.tribe.net/thread/48a63e74-f49a-444c-8381-b26117fdc80f#becb024d-6c71-4348-a68b-b10081550841 ~Raven~ 2006-02-22T21:36:22Z http://iamthegoddess.tribe.net/thread/48a63e74-f49a-444c-8381-b26117fdc80f#528d61b9-97aa-4273-bc5f-452707993a8a ....not at all helpful... i have no where NEAR experienced everything in the world and don't plan on ever stopping--i've just done a lot for someone my age, is all....and to me creating a child is not SIMPLY a "copulatory sexual activity" Wed, 22 Feb 2006 21:36:19 GMT http://iamthegoddess.tribe.net/thread/48a63e74-f49a-444c-8381-b26117fdc80f#528d61b9-97aa-4273-bc5f-452707993a8a Dj 2006-02-22T21:36:19Z http://iamthegoddess.tribe.net/thread/48a63e74-f49a-444c-8381-b26117fdc80f#d336b979-bde4-43e5-ac80-c92808e372c2 It sounds like you've experienced everything there is to experience, and there's nothing for you to learn. I guess the only thing to do now is engage in copulatory sexual activities. Wed, 22 Feb 2006 19:35:30 GMT http://iamthegoddess.tribe.net/thread/48a63e74-f49a-444c-8381-b26117fdc80f#d336b979-bde4-43e5-ac80-c92808e372c2 Upfulness 2006-02-22T19:35:30Z http://iamthegoddess.tribe.net/thread/48a63e74-f49a-444c-8381-b26117fdc80f#8d27fb66-5f4b-464c-8821-c7ab78913f41 I will be twenty-one this year. Ever since I was little I always wanted to have children, and worked as a nanny ever since....I have started everything young, from getting all my partying out at 13 as a dj, going to burning man for years with my dad, yada yada, travelling across the entire globe....i even married young, naturally....and I am finishing UCSC with two degrees in June e year early! I receive so much negative attitudes toward wanting a child at my age, yet i feel it is right. I will definitely start saving $$$ to be more financially secure, but other than that why is it so "bad" to have a kid at my age? i understand the responsibility behind taking care of children and the supposed "loss" of freedom...but i have been free for so long that i feel ready to settle down. My dreams aren't going to die if i have a kid and i am not going to stop working toward my goals...does anyone else feel this way or believe it is justified? my partner supports me in having a child now or 10 yrs from now, so that's not an issue. Wed, 22 Feb 2006 18:53:35 GMT http://iamthegoddess.tribe.net/thread/48a63e74-f49a-444c-8381-b26117fdc80f#8d27fb66-5f4b-464c-8821-c7ab78913f41 Dj 2006-02-22T18:53:35Z